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学校英语演讲比赛!!作文自写!求鉴定好坏!!

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The difference between japan and china
I was born in japan. When i was 4 months old, I came to china with my family. I had lived in china for 14 years, and i know the culture and custom of china quiet well. Different from Japanese students, Chinese students care about fashion a lot. They don’t even know what they need. They just cost a lot of money in fashion things. It’s tragic. On the other hand, Japanese students don’t pursue fashion a lot. They just talk about stars and movies. Sometimes they go to the Karaoke with friends. And i also want to talk about school. In Chinese school, we have to do so much homework. And what’s more, we have to care about our cloths, our shoes and so on everyday. I feel very tired. But in japan, we needn’t do such things. I feel relax here. In addition, i have more spare time to do the things that i really like to do.
In brief, in a world, the culture and custom of china is quiet different from japan’s. I really love this country!
求鉴定是否有错或纰漏,或有语句不通的地方。求教!


1楼2012-07-20 20:06回复
    人工置顶!


    2楼2012-07-20 20:07
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      They just cost a lot of money in fashion things. =-= cost的主语应该是物吧,建议用spend...on...


      IP属地:四川3楼2012-07-20 20:17
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        人工置顶


        4楼2012-07-20 20:51
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          人工置顶


          5楼2012-07-21 13:46
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            I had lived in china for 14 years中的“had”应改为“has”
            On the other hand, Japanese students don’t pursue fashion a lot. They just talk about stars and movies. “on the other hand”必须前文有“on the one hand”时才能用。应改为“on the contrary(相反的是)”
            I feel relax here 我想你的文章背景应该是在中国,所以here应改为there
            就这些。祝你演讲比赛顺顺利利!
            


            IP属地:广东6楼2012-07-21 14:03
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              对了各位,昨天有人帮我改过这篇文章,求大家继续鉴定
              I was born in Japan. When I was 4 months old, I came to China with my family. I lived in China
              for 14 years, and I know the cultures and custom of China quite well. Unlike Japanese
              students, Chinese students care a lot about fashion. They don’t even know what
              they need. They just spend a lot of money on fashion things. It’s tragic. on the contrary, Japanese students don’t pursue fashion a lot. They just talk
              about stars and movies. Sometimes they go to the Karaoke with friends.
              And I
              also want to talk about school. In a Chinese school, we have to do a lot of homework.
              And what’s more, we have to pay attention to our clothes, our shoes and so on. All
              that makes me very tired. But in Japan, we needn’t do such things. I
              feel relaxed here. In addition, I have more spare time to do the things that I
              really like to do.
              In summary, then, the cultures and custom of China are quite different from that of Japan.
              I really love this country!


              10楼2012-07-21 15:24
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                垃圾。


                来自手机贴吧11楼2012-07-21 15:28
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                  what 's more 前面不用加and ,它本身就是"并且"的意思


                  来自掌上百度12楼2012-11-20 12:44
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