【经验分享】托福写作中不可小视的举例论证

First of all, bylearning courses offered by universities or colleges before starting work, studentscan be more familiar with their future working environment, and thereforeeasily take up the tasks their bosses give them. (S1)For example, working with a computer is common nowadays. (S2) Many students even do not know how to use somecommon software set in computer, such as Microsoft Office and WPS. (S3) Of course, they have no choice but to be fired.(S4) (73words)
上文段落一共四句话，第一句话为本段的topic sentence, 并且在这一句中已经开始展开论证：“这些就业前的课程可以让学生更熟悉他们未来的工作，也因此能容易担当起老板所分配的任务。”；接下来第二句、第三句和第四句由For example开头，看似组成了一个例子，目的自然是为了论证自己的论点，但上文中的例子真的有论证本段的观点吗？

回归到我们刚刚的段落上来。很明显在上文的段落中，作者对于例子的设置是为了支持一个观点。我们抛开文中的例子来思考下，如果支持现在的观点，我们应该怎样举例子。
Topic Sentence: studentscan be more familiar with their future working environment, and thereforeeasily take up the tasks their bosses give them.
其实这位考生在第一句就已经完成了一个基本的因果逻辑：课程→熟悉未来工作→很容易担当老板布置的任务。接下来如果举例子来论证自己的思路正确的话，需要做的事情是将整个逻辑论述完整。我们的例证思路可能是：“什么样的课程，或课程中的哪些环节会让人熟悉未来的工作，具体是哪些方面的工作，然后怎样担当起了老板布置的什么样的任务呢？”将疑问的地方补充完整，我们可能有如下的举例方法：

Sample 1:
For example, in the working preparationcourses in our university, I, a so-called office lady now, learnt how to usebasic office facilities, such as printers, photocopiers, fax machines and soon, which may be strange to a fresh graduate. Therefore, I have never beenbothered with the trifles taking place in such aspects, which means I can adaptto the working environment faster and focus more on things assigned moreimportant.
我们再来回头对比看一下原文中的例子：
Forexample, working with a computer is common nowadays.(S2)Many students even do not know how to use some common software set in computer,such as Microsoft Office and WPS.(S3) Of course,they have no choice but to be fired.(S4)
这个例子中的第一句话交代了一个背景：使用电脑非常普遍。第二句话说明一个现状：很多学生现在甚至不会使用微软的办公软件还有WPS。第三句总结：所以他们理所当然的无路可走，只能被开除。

看完这个部分，我们对比着来思考几个问题：
1. 这个例子跟题目中的courses有什么关系吗？
2. 例子能起到证明立场的作用吗？
3. 三句话中间有严谨的逻辑衔接关系吗？
很明显，这个例子中对于题干的关键词只字未提，完全看不到courses的身影，不仅如此，这个例子中更没有提到对于working environment以及所谓的“tasks”; 另外，三句话中式思维非常明显，句子之间并没有清晰的逻辑关系，特别是第二句和第三句之间的逻辑衔接更显得有些霸王硬上弓，不会办公软件就一定要无路可走、只能被开除吗？如此一分析，可以看出，该考生虽然会用for example, 但所举的例子跟观点句基本可以说没有半毛钱关系。

我们将上文修改后的例子和中心句衔接在一起，并稍加改进，形成一个基本正确的主体段如下：
Firstof all, by learning courses offered by universities or colleges before startingwork, students can be more familiar with their future working environment, andtherefore easily take up the tasks their bosses give them. For example, in the working preparation courses in ouruniversity, I, a so-called office lady now, learnt how to use basic officefacilities, such as printers, photocopiers, fax machines and so on, which maybe strange to a common graduate. Therefore, I have never been bothered with thetrifles taking place in such aspects, which means I can adapt to the workingenvironment faster and focus more on things assigned more important. It isobviously easy to imagine that thanks to the courses, students could have abetter start when their identities change. (128 words)
由此，我们总结出举例论证中的第一个常见错误：例子不能证明观点。对应的提示即为，例子需要对整个观点起到呼应及支撑的作用。

这里即是我要说的第二个问题：缺乏细节的泛泛例子。怎么写就好了呢？答案即添加细节。
Sample 2:
For example, my cousin usuallylikes to pay attention to current affairs, such as theUS presidential election and the latest progression ofSyrian Wars. Eventhough these affairs seem to be far away from our life, he could clearly elaborate and analyze the backgrounds, reasons and effects ofthese events. Thanks to this, he gains a great deal of popularity and admiration in his school and even his teachers are willing to discuss relevant events withhim.
请注意对比一下上文和之前例子的部分，很明显红字的部分为一些细节性表达，让整个例子有实际内容，而不是泛泛而谈。重新整理过的整个段落如下：
First of all, knowing these events can make us more popular at work or inschool. It is obvious that our horizons can be broadened more and our insightstowards different things can be much deeper. So when chatting with others, wecan easily find topics to avoid awkward silence and make others feel that weare knowledgeable. For example, my cousin usually likes to pay attention tocurrent affairs, such as the US presidential election and the latestprogression ofSyrian Wars. Even though these affairs seem to be far away from ourlife, he could clearly elaborate and analyze thebackgrounds, reasons and effects of these events. Thanks to this, hegains a great deal of popularity and admiration in hisschool and even his teachers are willing todiscuss relevant events with him. That is to say, being well-informed brings more benefits other thanbeing well-informed itself. (150 words)
以上即为在举例论证中容易被忽略的两个要点，希望考生们能够不仅会用for example, 更能用对exemplification。