1 year - I'm amazed by how much I've changed
1年-我惊讶于我改变了多少
Just typing some thoughts on my last year.
只是写一下对于过去一年我的一些想法。
22 October 2012. This was the day I started to put this addiction behind me. I've tried stopping before that. But never really put my whole heart into it.
2012年10月22日。这是我开始把这种隐僻放在身后的一天。我试着在那之前停下来。但从来没有真正投入我的全部精力。
This day last year I was depressed, not thinking about suicide but wishing I was dead, that I never existed. Porn was the only thing I "lived" for. I was dead to friends, the outside world, new experiences, laughter.
去年的这一天，我很沮丧，没有想到自杀，但希望我已经死了，甚至我从来没有存在过。几乎我活着的唯一目的就是为了色（情）。对我的朋友、外面的世界、新的经历、欢乐这些美好的事物而言，我早已经死了。
Now a year later I look back and I'm amazed by how much I've changed. My outlook on life, women, sexuality are vastly different now. Life is about progress, step by step. Knowing that sometimes I will be depressed, other times happy. Living means experiencing these things and not hiding from it with porn. Women became people, and a lot less scary to interact with. I understand now what I want from my sexuality. I want it to be something pure, something expressed with intimacy. Something more than just lust. Sex changed from PIV to something I do with another person.
一年后，我回顾过去，我惊讶于我改变了多少。现在我的人生观、女性观、性观念大不一样了。人生就是进步，一步一步。知道有时我会沮丧，有时快乐。生活意味着体验这些东西，而不是用色情来躲藏。（在我眼中）女人变成了人，也不那么害怕与人交往。现在我明白了我想要从（性）中得到什么。我希望它是纯粹的东西，以亲密的方式表达。不仅仅是欲望。性从PIV（自己独享）变成了我和另一个人做的事情。
This past year I've had few streaks, best one of 126 days, two of over 50 days and few 20's and a lot of less than one week. In the beginning relapses lasted on average about 3-4 days. I've succeeded in cutting that down to 1-2 days now. On average I was free from PMO 89.4% of the time.
这一年我很少有条纹（破戒），最好一次坚持了126天，两次超过50天，有几次超过20天，还有许多次不到一周。一开始复发的时间（破戒）平均（持续）约3-4天。我已经成功地把它削减到1-2天了。平均来说，（去年一年）我没有PMO（色-情、SY、性-欲高涨）的时间占到89.4%。
Today I'm on day one again. The last year was good, but there is a lot of room for improvement. 89% might sound good. But over a year that adds up to over a month of PMO. That's a lot! Time for me to tackle this challenge with renewed passion. I want to remove porn from my life for good.
今天我又回到了第一天。过去的一年是好的，但是还有很大的改进空间。89%可能听起来不错。但是一年多的时间里，有PMO的天数相当于一个多月。真是太多了！是时候让我用新的热情去应对这个挑战了。我想从我的生活中删除色情，直到永远。
antsand
安东沙-10/22/2013 - 06:52
1年-我惊讶于我改变了多少
Just typing some thoughts on my last year.
只是写一下对于过去一年我的一些想法。
22 October 2012. This was the day I started to put this addiction behind me. I've tried stopping before that. But never really put my whole heart into it.
2012年10月22日。这是我开始把这种隐僻放在身后的一天。我试着在那之前停下来。但从来没有真正投入我的全部精力。
This day last year I was depressed, not thinking about suicide but wishing I was dead, that I never existed. Porn was the only thing I "lived" for. I was dead to friends, the outside world, new experiences, laughter.
去年的这一天，我很沮丧，没有想到自杀，但希望我已经死了，甚至我从来没有存在过。几乎我活着的唯一目的就是为了色（情）。对我的朋友、外面的世界、新的经历、欢乐这些美好的事物而言，我早已经死了。
Now a year later I look back and I'm amazed by how much I've changed. My outlook on life, women, sexuality are vastly different now. Life is about progress, step by step. Knowing that sometimes I will be depressed, other times happy. Living means experiencing these things and not hiding from it with porn. Women became people, and a lot less scary to interact with. I understand now what I want from my sexuality. I want it to be something pure, something expressed with intimacy. Something more than just lust. Sex changed from PIV to something I do with another person.
一年后，我回顾过去，我惊讶于我改变了多少。现在我的人生观、女性观、性观念大不一样了。人生就是进步，一步一步。知道有时我会沮丧，有时快乐。生活意味着体验这些东西，而不是用色情来躲藏。（在我眼中）女人变成了人，也不那么害怕与人交往。现在我明白了我想要从（性）中得到什么。我希望它是纯粹的东西，以亲密的方式表达。不仅仅是欲望。性从PIV（自己独享）变成了我和另一个人做的事情。
This past year I've had few streaks, best one of 126 days, two of over 50 days and few 20's and a lot of less than one week. In the beginning relapses lasted on average about 3-4 days. I've succeeded in cutting that down to 1-2 days now. On average I was free from PMO 89.4% of the time.
这一年我很少有条纹（破戒），最好一次坚持了126天，两次超过50天，有几次超过20天，还有许多次不到一周。一开始复发的时间（破戒）平均（持续）约3-4天。我已经成功地把它削减到1-2天了。平均来说，（去年一年）我没有PMO（色-情、SY、性-欲高涨）的时间占到89.4%。
Today I'm on day one again. The last year was good, but there is a lot of room for improvement. 89% might sound good. But over a year that adds up to over a month of PMO. That's a lot! Time for me to tackle this challenge with renewed passion. I want to remove porn from my life for good.
今天我又回到了第一天。过去的一年是好的，但是还有很大的改进空间。89%可能听起来不错。但是一年多的时间里，有PMO的天数相当于一个多月。真是太多了！是时候让我用新的热情去应对这个挑战了。我想从我的生活中删除色情，直到永远。
antsand
安东沙-10/22/2013 - 06:52
