男子逛街，看见一美女包被小偷抢走，男子拼了命的去追！连追了好几条街，终于把小偷抓住！小偷趴在地上说：“哥！那女的是你女朋友呀！这么玩命！”男子也趴在地上说：“有点职业道德行不！我TM都跟一天了，你TM上来就抢呀！”

A：昨夜我和朋友去外面喝酒，没有回家，小偷光顾我家了！
B：哦？被偷了什么东西了吗？
A：那到没有，但是我老婆以为是我酒醉夜归，被暴打了一顿，幸好警察来了才救了他。

Memory Block 1 --==Animus Tutorial==-- Welcome to Assassin's Creed, and you start off watching some cutscenes and start with what is basic with most games, an interactive tutorial. You will need to listen closely and pay attention to the controls, because depending on the platform, you will have different controls. This guide will have PC in mind, since I'm using the PC version but I will try to accommodate all users including XBox 360 and PS3 users. First of all, you need to go into Altair's head, and use basic vision. This is done via the E Button, Triangle for PS3 or Y for XBox. You need to do a complete 360 degree turn in order to complete this objective. Now, you need to walk through a crowd of jar walkers without knocking any of the jar walkers so they drop the jars. In order to do this, you need to gentle push them out of the way. This is done by walking to the jar walkers and holding the Shift Button for PC, B for XBOX and Circle for PS3. This allows you pass through the jar walkers and head onto the goal. Your next move is to change from low profile to high profile. Altair is always in low profile, and to move into high profile, you need to hold the Right Mouse Button for PC, RT for XBox and R1 for PS3. You now need to practice the grab motion. Head into high profile, run at the target and instead of the gentle push, the button will turn into a grab. Push the target into your marker with the direction pad being the aim. Your next objective is to sprint. This is done by heading into high profile and pressing the Space Bar for PC, A for XBox and X for PS3. Your job is to beat the other guy into the target. This shouldn't be too hard. Now, you get to advance to the nitty gritty business Altair is in. Killing. You need to advance to the guard and now kill him. So do it, draw your weapon and slay him. This will prompt another guard to see you and you now need to follow instructions and run up the roof and hide in the garden there. After that, you learn how to bl

Memory Block 1 --==Animus Tutorial==-- Welcome to Assassin's Creed, and you start off watching some cutscenes and start with what is basic with most games, an interactive tutorial. You will need to listen closely and pay attention to the controls, because depending on the platform, you will have different controls. This guide will have PC in mind, since I'm using the PC version but I will try to accommodate all users including XBox 360 and PS3 users. First of all, you need to go into Altair's head, and use basic vision. This is done via the E Button, Triangle for PS3 or Y for XBox. You need to do a complete 360 degree turn in order to complete this objective. Now, you need to walk through a crowd of jar walkers without knocking any of the jar walkers so they drop the jars. In order to do this, you need to gentle push them out of the way. This is done by walking to the jar walkers and holding the Shift Button for PC, B for XBOX and Circle for PS3. This allows you pass through the jar walkers and head onto the goal. Your next move is to change from low profile to high profile. Altair is always in low profile, and to move into high profile, you need to hold the Right Mouse Button for PC, RT for XBox and R1 for PS3. You now need to practice the grab motion. Head into high profile, run at the target and instead of the gentle push, the button will turn into a grab. Push the target into your marker with the direction pad being the aim. Your next objective is to sprint. This is done by heading into high profile and pressing the Space Bar for PC, A for XBox and X for PS3. Your job is to beat the other guy into the target. This shouldn't be too hard. Now, you get to advance to the nitty gritty business Altair is in. Killing. You need to advance to the guard and now kill him. So do it, draw your weapon and slay him. This will prompt another guard to see you and you now need to follow instructions and run up the roof and hide in the garden there. After that, you learn how to bl

Memory Block 1 --==Animus Tutorial==-- Welcome to Assassin's Creed, and you start off watching some cutscenes and start with what is basic with most games, an interactive tutorial. You will need to listen closely and pay attention to the controls, because depending on the platform, you will have different controls. This guide will have PC in mind, since I'm using the PC version but I will try to accommodate all users including XBox 360 and PS3 users. First of all, you need to go into Altair's head, and use basic vision. This is done via the E Button, Triangle for PS3 or Y for XBox. You need to do a complete 360 degree turn in order to complete this objective. Now, you need to walk through a crowd of jar walkers without knocking any of the jar walkers so they drop the jars. In order to do this, you need to gentle push them out of the way. This is done by walking to the jar walkers and holding the Shift Button for PC, B for XBOX and Circle for PS3. This allows you pass through the jar walkers and head onto the goal. Your next move is to change from low profile to high profile. Altair is always in low profile, and to move into high profile, you need to hold the Right Mouse Button for PC, RT for XBox and R1 for PS3. You now need to practice the grab motion. Head into high profile, run at the target and instead of the gentle push, the button will turn into a grab. Push the target into your marker with the direction pad being the aim. Your next objective is to sprint. This is done by heading into high profile and pressing the Space Bar for PC, A for XBox and X for PS3. Your job is to beat the other guy into the target. This shouldn't be too hard. Now, you get to advance to the nitty gritty business Altair is in. Killing. You need to advance to the guard and now kill him. So do it, draw your weapon and slay him. This will prompt another guard to see you and you now need to follow instructions and run up the roof and hide in the garden there. After that, you learn how to bl

up up up

Memory Block 1 --==Animus Tutorial==-- Welcome to Assassin's Creed, and you start off watching some cutscenes and start with what is basic with most games, an interactive tutorial. You will need to listen closely and pay attention to the controls, because depending on the platform, you will have different controls. This guide will have PC in mind, since I'm using the PC version but I will try to accommodate all users including XBox 360 and PS3 users. First of all, you need to go into Altair's head, and use basic vision. This is done via the E Button, Triangle for PS3 or Y for XBox. You need to do a complete 360 degree turn in order to complete this objective. Now, you need to walk through a crowd of jar walkers without knocking any of the jar walkers so they drop the jars. In order to do this, you need to gentle push them out of the way. This is done by walking to the jar walkers and holding the Shift Button for PC, B for XBOX and Circle for PS3. This allows you pass through the jar walkers and head onto the goal. Your next move is to change from low profile to high profile. Altair is always in low profile, and to move into high profile, you need to hold the Right Mouse Button for PC, RT for XBox and R1 for PS3. You now need to practice the grab motion. Head into high profile, run at the target and instead of the gentle push, the button will turn into a grab. Push the target into your marker with the direction pad being the aim. Your next objective is to sprint. This is done by heading into high profile and pressing the Space Bar for PC, A for XBox and X for PS3. Your job is to beat the other guy into the target. This shouldn't be too hard. Now, you get to advance to the nitty gritty business Altair is in. Killing. You need to advance to the guard and now kill him. So do it, draw your weapon and slay him. This will prompt another guard to see you and you now need to follow instructions and run up the roof and hide in the garden there. After that, you learn how to bl

你看，会有人理你吗？哎呀我的十五字

不不不，以前的水楼被空降的滚蛋删了

你看，我可以在楼上游泳

Memory Block 1 --==Animus Tutorial==-- Welcome to Assassin's Creed, and you start off watching some cutscenes and start with what is basic with most games, an interactive tutorial. You will need to listen closely and pay attention to the controls, because depending on the platform, you will have different controls. This guide will have PC in mind, since I'm using the PC version but I will try to accommodate all users including XBox 360 and PS3 users. First of all, you need to go into Altair's head, and use basic vision. This is done via the E Button, Triangle for PS3 or Y for XBox. You need to do a complete 360 degree turn in order to complete this objective. Now, you need to walk through a crowd of jar walkers without knocking any of the jar walkers so they drop the jars. In order to do this, you need to gentle push them out of the way. This is done by walking to the jar walkers and holding the Shift Button for PC, B for XBOX and Circle for PS3. This allows you pass through the jar walkers and head onto the goal. Your next move is to change from low profile to high profile. Altair is always in low profile, and to move into high profile, you need to hold the Right Mouse Button for PC, RT for XBox and R1 for PS3. You now need to practice the grab motion. Head into high profile, run at the target and instead of the gentle push, the button will turn into a grab. Push the target into your marker with the direction pad being the aim. Your next objective is to sprint. This is done by heading into high profile and pressing the Space Bar for PC, A for XBox and X for PS3. Your job is to beat the other guy into the target. This shouldn't be too hard. Now, you get to advance to the nitty gritty business Altair is in. Killing. You need to advance to the guard and now kill him. So do it, draw your weapon and slay him. This will prompt another guard to see you and you now need to follow instructions and run up the roof and hide in the garden there. After that, you learn how to bl

水水更健康╮(╯▽╰)╭
Memory Block 1 --==Animus Tutorial==-- Welcome to Assassin's Creed, and you start off watching some cutscenes and start with what is basic with most games, an interactive tutorial. You will need to listen closely and pay attention to the controls, because depending on the platform, you will have different controls. This guide will have PC in mind, since I'm using the PC version but I will try to accommodate all users including XBox 360 and PS3 users. First of all, you need to go into Altair's head, and use basic vision. This is done via the E Button, Triangle for PS3 or Y for XBox. You need to do a complete 360 degree turn in order to complete this objective. Now, you need to walk through a crowd of jar walkers without knocking any of the jar walkers so they drop the jars. In order to do this, you need to gentle push them out of the way. This is done by walking to the jar walkers and holding the Shift Button for PC, B for XBOX and Circle for PS3. This allows you pass through the jar walkers and head onto the goal. Your next move is to change from low profile to high profile. Altair is always in low profile, and to move into high profile, you need to hold the Right Mouse Button for PC, RT for XBox and R1 for PS3. You now need to practice the grab motion. Head into high profile, run at the target and instead of the gentle push, the button will turn into a grab. Push the target into your marker with the direction pad being the aim. Your next objective is to sprint. This is done by heading into high profile and pressing the Space Bar for PC, A for XBox and X for PS3. Your job is to beat the other guy into the target. This shouldn't be too hard. Now, you get to advance to the nitty gritty business Altair is in. Killing. You need to advance to the guard and now kill him. So do it, draw your weapon and slay him. This will prompt another guard to see you and you now need to follow instructions and run up the roof and hide in the garden there. After that, you le

你在水贴时，可以艾特以下机器人：
@刘明希吧 @湖岗吧 @这是机器人 @猫饵娘 @不想是这样的
你只要@它们，它们就会立刻回复你，给楼主带来更多经验！另外，你回复它，它也会回复你。
--------------
小明不小心把FURY Nano 掉到河里， 河神看到了，就从河里拿出一个FURY 问是不是他的。 小明摇头，河神又拿出一个FURY X 问他，小明依旧摇头， 最后河神拿出FURY Nano ，小明点头说：“这个才是我的。” 河神大悦：“诚实的孩子，这三个烤火炉你都拿去吧。”
第二天，小黄听到了这个消息，他兴奋的跑到河边，把刚买的GTX1080扔进了河里。不一会儿河底就冒出了蓝光，一朵蘑菇云骤然飞起，河干了，只剩下一堆河神的骨灰
　　　--来自助手版贴吧客户端