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1分钟的Oral稿,求看看有什麽地方要改的

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Topic: What might you learn about yourself, if you looked at your diary ten years later?
If I wrote diaries and looked back at it after a decade, it would make me remember a lot of things. But the most of importance is that through the contents I would know what kind of person I was, what had I done in the past either good or bad, what was my purpose then and now have I reached it? It's an opportunity to analyse one's life, realize the lack of character, abilities or whatever it's. Then the all you need to do is that make action to overcome it, exceed the one who you was, be a better person and move forward
大概是这样了,球指教plz


1楼2013-05-26 17:56回复
    够一分钟吗?


    来自iPhone客户端3楼2013-05-26 18:54
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      中间那几个并列的宾从 主谓顺序 还有if I reach it。 all u need to do前定冠词去掉
      我有理解错吗


      来自iPad4楼2013-05-26 18:58
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        然后。第一句的wrote the diary过去完成式好点?


        来自iPad5楼2013-05-26 18:59
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          不少语法问题
          楼下有大神会帮你纠正


          IP属地:马来西亚6楼2013-05-26 19:02
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            不少语法问题
            楼下有大神会帮你纠正


            7楼2013-05-26 19:15
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              Lots of things of begone days will unfold again before my eyes when I read the diaries of today after a decade. But the most important gain is that through reading the diaries, I will get to know what kind of person I was, what good and bad things I have done and what dreams I used to nourish. It will be an opportunity for me to reflect on life and find my character flaws and lack of capacity. Then I need to do nothing but try to overcome those disadvantage and transcend the old self. In that way, I believe I will be a better person.


              8楼2013-05-26 19:46
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                你的原文意思结构都没变哈,就是稍微修改了一下。。。其实我觉得原文逻辑稍微有点怪。。不过这样改了最起码通顺了。你原文几个问题以后注意哈,
                1,时态混乱 2,原创用法太多 3,对词汇只知道意思就盲目直译....
                还是尽量克服这些吧,加油啊~


                9楼2013-05-26 19:58
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